An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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