My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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