ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
