No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
