I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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