also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
