i dont even know how to be here
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
