Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
