Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
