He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
