i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
