he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
