just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
