Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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