I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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