WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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