Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
