I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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