is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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