i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
