Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize