hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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