Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
where does the pee come out of this thing
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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