hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
