I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
