She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sex in a hospital.. check
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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