Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
