Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
