Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
