Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
