The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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