he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
