Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
