i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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