i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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