How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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