White coat. Heels.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
