the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
