want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
