You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
