I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
