I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
