Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
