At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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