It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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