Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
