i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
