so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
