Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
