I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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