i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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