Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
