At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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