Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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