he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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