Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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