I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
